Stan moved thoughtfully through the stairwell, scanning the gallery wall that Tina made when they first moved in together. Their baby pictures and yearbook photos. The framed collages of the two of them from holidays, friends’ weddings, their trip to Hawaii. A mass of entanglement.
He’d thought it was awkward to take the pictures down when he ended things, and now it had been three years. Stan didn’t know where the time had gone, no matter how often he asked himself in their bathroom mirror. But what he did know was that he had to move out, and soon; he would tell Tina this very morning.
Only this time, he really was moving out, no matter what she said. She had to understand didn’t she? That the lease was up again in April, that they had broken up three years ago, that he’d found another place?
“What?”
Her face had dropped into a look of jilted ire as he spoke.
“Yeah, I— Tina, I think it’s time.”
“What’s wrong with the way things are now?”
“I don’t—.”
He sighed.
Say what you practiced, Stan.
“I don’t think I have to explain myself, Tina; we broke up, you asked me for time, and… it’s been time. More than you asked for. I want to move on.”
“This isn’t just about what you want, y’know. I’m a person, who has to, like, live and eat and everything, too, in case you forgot. What am I supposed to do?”
Explain as he would, Tina did not understand, or accept, Stan’s answer. Finally, he burst out.
“Tina, for godsakes, we’re not together! I know that’s not what you want, but it’s what I want, so, so I just came down to tell you, not ask you, so you’d have time to figure something else out before the lease is up.”
With that, Stan started up the stairs, a little winded and extremely surprised at his own resolve. Telling Tina he was moving out hadn’t been that easy any of the other four times he’d tried it.
“What, are we just pretending July didn’t happen now? How about last Christmas?”
He stopped.
“Yeah, no, that’s fine, I’ll just give you my new address for when you can’t sleep, or for when another one of your exes gets married.”
He wasn’t a churchgoing man, but Stan had prayed she wouldn’t bring that up. A collection of weak moments. A trump card. It hung thickly in the air for a moment.
“I just thought we—.” Her voice caught.
Stan turned around, and Tina was crying.
“I thought we were still… like, us.”
He looked at her— this woman he had tried so long to love and want. Her familiar tears. Their pictures on the wall.
“Can’t we…. Couldn’t we…. Isn’t there some way we can start over?”
Stan wanted to say yes. He wanted to keep the pictures, the years, where they were. He wanted it to be easy.
Stan caught sight of his yearbook photo and saw his greying temples reflected in the glass.
Where did the time go?
Stan took a breath, shaking his head.
“No. No, there’s not. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stayed here so long, and I’m sorry I knocked on your door those times. I guess I wasn’t ready to let it go. But… I am now.”
Tina put her face in her hands and wept. Stan came down the last steps and put a hand on her shoulder.
“I’m gonna stay with my brother till the lease is up. I’ll send you a check for my half, I just… I can’t stay here anymore.”
She looked up, glared at him, and stormed into the kitchen.
Stan walked back up the first few stairs and took his picture off the wall.